I think I’ve been pondering a lot recently about what had happened. I used to love messing around with Photoshop to make graphics, coding websites for the heck of it, writing stories to ink my imagination and wishes. Now, my sources of amusement (videos, reads, etc.) are all sort of hollow and pointless. I feel like I don’t want to sacrifice anything in order to gain happiness. I really hope this doesn’t extend to the rest of my life. That would be disastrous.

本来以为上了大学或许可以发现一些自己很喜欢的东西，可是发觉自己还是如此的没有热情.可能因为我这个人实在太怕付出，胆子太小. 我不愿去做一些自己没有把握的事…总是觉得自己只要成绩好就会高兴. 我虽然现在并不难过和沮丧可是却感到很空虚.

觉得这张桌面很好看…代表我心里那小小希望

When it was me you smiled at with adoration gleaming in your eyes. When it was me you held with the softest touch.

Had I imagined it all?
Had it ever been me?
Does it truly matter?

It may have been the biggest regret of my life afterall.